Beyond the Norm: How to Crush the Dominaria Prerelease

It’s a major mechanical theme of the set. It’s being screamed at us from the story. It is being shipped to stores as part of the promotional materials. The Dominaria prerelease is about one thing and one thing only: 

Teferi is back. And he’s angry.

Why is Teferi so angry? Cuz he knows the thing Dominaria is actually about is legends. And you… you’re no legend.

Not yet.

If you want to truly succeed at the Dominaria prerelease, you have only one option: become a legend. If you’re looking for an article that’s going to tell you how to build your Sealed pool, which commons are the best, or why your significant other dumped you for your cousin, you’ve come to the wrong place; those are cool things to know, but they’re not how you become legendary. Here are your options for ascending to Legendhood^TM. Be sure to earn as many Legend Points as you can!

Dominaria Legendhood Game

1. Attach the promotional Angry Teferi Head to your face. +30 points for each round you play wearing it.
2. Make a bad time-based pun while wearing Angry Teferi Head. Must be said in an Angry Teferi Voice. (+5 points)
3. Trade for as many Yargles as you can. At the end of the prerelease, you get +5 points for each page of a trade binder you can fill with Yargles.
4. Attach Helm of the Host to Yargle and spawn the most fearsome army of Yargles the world has ever seen. +2 points for each Yargle clone
5. Put Arcane Flight on Yargle (+10 points). If your opponent cries with defeat/horror/sadness, +10 points. If they cry with joy, +25 points.
6. Play Turn 3 Karn with no Tron lands in play. (+15 points)
7. Take lethal damage from Yargle (+5 points)
8. Deal lethal damage with Yargle (+10 points)
9. Net mana off Cabal Stronghold (+15 points)
10. Pause the game to explain to your opponent how a card is referencing Dominaria’s past (+1 point per card)
11. Once you play it, replace one of your Sagas with the corresponding original Magic novel. (+10 points)
12. At the end of the game, reveal the Legendary Sorcery that was stuck in your hand forever because you couldn’t cast it because you didn’t control a legend. (+5 points)
13. Whenever you kick a spell, actually punt the card. If it lands on the table, +15 points. Otherwise, +5 points.
14. Win the game with Lich’s Mastery under your control (+20 points)
15. Lose the game because Lich’s Mastery left the battlefield under your control. (-50 points) (What were you thinking?)
16. Control twenty or more Saproling tokens (+20 points)
17. Mill your opponent with a control deck that wins by assembling a Gaea’s Blessing loop. (+30 points)
18. Cast Board the Weatherlight and reveal Weatherlight. (+10 points)
19. Trade (in combat) a Knight of Malice for a Knight of Grace or a Knight of Grace for a Knight of Malice. (+5 points)
20. Counter Wizard’s Lightning with Wizard’s Retort (+10 points)
21. When you cast Dub on [CARDNAME], loudly declare, “I hereby dub thee Sir/Lady [CARDNAME].” (+10 points)
22. Whenever you refer to a Dub’ed card as Sir/Lady [CARDNAME], +5 points. Whenever you refer to it by its normal [CARDNAME], without “Sir/Lady” in front of it, -5 points
23. When there is a Serra Angel on board, ask your opponent whether they think the card better fits in White/Blue or Black/Green. Take the opposing side and argue with them. +10 points
24. When there is a Llanowar Elves on the board, ask your opponent whether they think it should’ve been reprinted over Lightning Bolt. Take the opposing side and argue with them. +10 points
25. Play a Firesong and Sunspeaker. If your opponent allows it, +50 points. If they call you out, -50 points.
26. Control a Gilded Lotus and a Mox Amber at the same time. (+30 points)
27. Shut off every land your opponent controls with Icy Manipulators (+30 points)
28. Whenever you activate Icy Manipulator, state that this is how Magic was meant to be played. (+1 point per statement)
29. Whenever you attack with Juggernaut, ask your opponent if they control any Walls (+1 point per question)
30. Attempt to block a Juggernaut with an Amaranthine Wall. If your opponent allows it, tell them they’re a scrub and give yourself +10 points. If they call you out, admit that you’re a scrub and take -10 points.
31. Get a 3-for-1 with Yargle (+15 points)
32. State, “Tick down Karn,” and point to one of your opponent’s permanents. If they move to exile it under Karn, +20 points. If not, -20 points.
33. If your opponent casts Syncopate, ask them to define what it means. If they do, -20 points. If they can’t, +20 points. If you don’t know what it means, look it up and then take -50 points.
34. If you have three or more, put all copies of Healing Grace from your pool into your deck. (+40 points). Argue that it’s better than Ancestral Recall (+10 points)
35. When you cast Fungal Infection, discuss in detail the fungal infection that you just recently got rid of after weeks of fighting it. (+10 points) If your opponent asks you to stop, +10 points
36. Put Arcane Flight on Cold-Water Snapper. (+10 points) Argue to your opponent that you think Hexproof is the best mechanic they’ve ever printed, and they should print it more often. (+10 points)
37. Kill a creature in response to it being targeted by an Aura. (+5 points) Tell your opponent that’s why you don’t play Auras. (+5 points) If you get a creature killed in response to targeting it with an Aura, -10 points.
38. When you cast Broken Bond, talk about how sad you are that Nissa left the Gatewatch because she was the most interesting, most well-developed, deepest, and least-retconned of the Gatewatch. (+10 points) Then ask your opponent if they know where Ashaya is. (+5 points). Tell your opponent that’s okay; Ashaya was inside them all along. (+5 points)
39. When you cast Thorn Elemental, pull out your foil, 7^th Edition promotional version of the card and talk about the good ol’ days when Thorn Elemental and Lord of the Pit were the best. (+5 points)
40. Cast Settle the Score and actually put Loyalty counters on a planeswalker you control. (+10 points)
41. Forget that Goblin Warchief gives itself haste. (-20 points)
42. Whenever you play a Wizard, say, “Yer a wizard, Harry.” (+5 points per time)
43. Put Yargle On Serra’s Wings. (+10 points)
44. Take control of an opponent’s Yargle with In Bolas’s Clutches (+10 points)
45. Enchant a Legendary creature with a Legendary Aura (+5 points)
46. Play Curator’s Ward and have it impact the game. In any way. (+20 points)
47. Try to trigger a Saga in your upkeep (-10 points)
48. Look up the rules for how Sagas work (-10 points)
49. Sacrifice your entire board (must be at least four creatures) to Torgaar, Famine Incarnate (+10 points)
50. Whenever you see someone with a Yargle in their pool who does not put it into their deck, ask the judge to disqualify them from the event. (+10 points)

At the end of the weekend, if you earn 1,000 of my completely arbitrary points, you have succeeded in becoming a legend, and have officially Crushed the Dominaria Prerelease^TM. You can thank me later.

Anything else you’d add to this list? Let me know in the comments!

Ryan is a grinder from Boston with SCG & GP Top 8’s and a PT Day 2. His fragile self-esteem is built on approval from others, so be sure to tell him what you think of his articles on Twitter @RyanNormandin and in his Twitch chat at twitch.tv/norm_the_ryno.